Living

Ever feel like if you weren't here, no one would notice. I am feeling like these days only to discover my oldest child would'nt notice if I wasn't here except when her birthday comes around. And I suspect with my youngest daughter, the same will be true in about a year. This is a joke on me, since I left the marriage 8 years ago, thinking that the girls would eventually come live with me of their own accord. Boy did I forget about the bonds of daughters and their fathers, and yes I am jealous, and angry, and disappointed. It was my own fault, but I didn't deserve to be belittled in front of my daughters, or disrespected in front of my daughters, and threatened. My girls will never know what I endured to let them live with out any more trauma. All they know is that their dad is there, and he lives alone, and they feel he is fragile.

Begining

I got the surpise of my life, I am now teaching clinical dental hygiene. I have been wanting to get out of direct patient care for awhile now. So when an opportunity to teach came my way, I grab it whole heartedly. I wasn't afraid to make the jump. It was as though, it was meant to be. I teach part time right now, but maybe in the future full time, I hope. For now it is perfect, and I hope I will be a good teacher. I tend to be passionate about what I want to share, so I hope the students will understand.

Money

Today, I gave a coworker $250, in the form of a credit card to help her go to her son's graduation tomorrow, and I also spent $31 for him to have a graduation gift from someone his mother works with. Then why do I feel like I was taken?? I want to be able to do things like this, but this feeling of being taken for granted is overwhelming.

In the past, I have spent money on a Kohl's card for her to be able to give her boyfriend an extravagent gift. She did pay me back, and she plans on paying me 1/2 the money for today. I did tell her that the other half was a wedding gift. Was I too generous, I don't know?

I gave away my kids bunk beds, cause I wanted to get rid of them, and I gave them to the coworker. Did she offer me money, no! Did I think she should, well at least offer to. I need to get off this, or at least walk away when she starts her whinning? She somehow has learned to get inside me, and trap me to do it, or is it that I want to be thanked, and appreciated, I don't know, all I know is that I broke one of my cardinal rules, never give or borrow money from coworkers!